It's come to my attention that most of my friends think that I am this crazy sex-aholic that cannot think of anything more. That's really kinda sad, but I can understand why they see that.

I'm horny, I'm not going to lie, but I'm not more horny than any other 17 year old guy out there. I just express it more openly.

I really don't strive to hook-up with people, it's just that, for whatever reason, its easier. There is not commitment, no pre-requisites, and no drama. But, on the same token, there is no love, compassion, and feelings of attraction. It's lust... not love.

I really want to feel what it's like to be in love. Like, I see many of my friends in different types of relationships than I. Erik and Jay, and Dan and Michelle, have these connections with each other that extent beyond a physical lust, and into the realms of mental love. And, I'm jealous. I'm not, like, crazy -you have to break up and be with me because i want that- jealous, I just want something like that for myself.

Every once in a not so great while, I do find myself anxious. I find myself looking to hook up, and, lately, I've been more likely to tell myself 'no' and give myself a mental slap on the wrist. I don't fear STDs or anything like that. I always practice safe sex, and I don't do anything unconventional. But, I just need a more permanent solution.

It's not so much that I need the sex, but I do need the physical intimacy. I could easily get the same satisfation out of spooning with someone I liked, watching a movie, and playing with their hair or feet. I could, and I should.

But, I digress, people see me as a nympho, and, well, I don't deny it, but that's only one side of me. It's (excuse the comparison) very similar to a Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde scenario. I just wish the good doctor would come around a wee bit more.

I think I'd make a swell boyfriend, and little tricks like working in the word 'swell' help me prove my point. I seriously think I'm ready to commit to an equitable and caring relationship based on personality rather than penis, based on committment rather than cock, based on love rather than lust.

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I heard this in History today, and I just felt the need to share it:

"... It's like playing Battleship by yourself. You know you're gonna win; you just don't know which side. "

Ooooooh. Good times.

¶ 23:39