For reasons which escape me currently, I became one of those crazy Black Friday shoppers Thursday night at about 10PM. Yes, it's true; I was one of those over-caffeinated, bundled up crazy persons waiting in line for some stupid sale. Now, under normal circumstances, I could not be bothered waiting that long for ANYTHING - Lest of all, wait in line at Wal-Mart. You're reading the blog of someone who doesn't even do his own laundry, and anyone who knows me will surely attest.


I roll into the parking lot of my local Wal-Mart, because, ya know, I like to keep things classy. Vastly more important than class, however, was a 42" Polaroid LCD TV for $598. I arrived at about 9, expecting the droves of people making their Day-after-Thanksgiving homage to the retail temples, only to find an empty parking lot. After a quick reality check, I decided to go to Dunkin' Donuts.


At 10, I roll in to see one other person that shares the same level of insanity that I was sporting. Matt arrives about half past 11 to be the fourth car in the lot.


[On a side note, I have always wished my life was a DVR with the capability to fast forward or pause as I see fit. I'll spare you about 6 of the 7 hours I waited, and fast forward to 4AM.]


There is now a line. A long, long line stretching about a quarter mile to the back of the lot, and then turning 90 degrees for another quarter mile. The droves had arrived. Insanity.

[Where did that recession go? I thought it was around here somewhere... ]

Matt and I are first, and aside from some character disputes about people incorrectly believing they were first, things went smoothly. We were properly aligned at the seam between doors. Very shortly before the doors were to open at 5, the line jumpers started to accumulate at the sides of the doors on either side of the line. People started to joke that there was a line, assuming that they were just misguided... but it became evident that these people had no intention of operating in good faith.

People began to yell, and I'm sure that things were thrown. Those of us at the front had speculated that tickets would be distributed for the items in high demand, but short in supply. Minutes before the store opened, it was clear we were wrong. The crowd was getting out of hand. I'm not sure if they were really excited or trying to undermine the jumpers, but the surge of people pushed forward... and, in doing so, they pushed Matt, me and everyone else in the front of the line into the doors.

When the doors opened, it was clear that there was no organization whatsoever. The running commenced as hundreds of shoppers poured through the door without regard to each other, or the things around them. It was ridiculous. It was dangerous.

So, I sprint with the crowd back to Electronics. I almost stepped on someone who fell in front of me, and there were people smashing into shelves that couldn't navigate the turns. I run past the 32" and 19" TVs, get to electronics and ask the sales person at the boat for my TV. I was directed to another counter and arrive third in line. The people in front of me are requested the laptops and the other small electronics in the ad, and a guy that I was in line with got behind me and asked if this was where the TV's were. We get to the counter, only to be informed that TVs are mixed in with the rest of the TV's in the aisle.

I sprint back to to the aisle to see absolute chaos... and all but a few of the 19" TVs are in some one's hand. I find Matt clinging to a 32" TV for dear life and ducked down the iron aisle. I stop with him to catch my breath, and hold on to the TV while he goes to grab a 19 inch. He comes back and tells me that while I was in line, a fist fight broke out over the last 32" TV, and that there were only two of the 42" TVs and were gone in the first minute. People are running around and past us.

It. Was. Ridiculous.

Defeated, we make our way to the checklanes. Matt bought a grand's worth of crap, and I demanded to see a manager.

Now, let me preface what I am about to say with this: I am usually a very understanding person, especially when it comes to retail. I'm generally very calm, so much so in most situations that my calm can be unsettling. I have worked on Black Friday in a big box retail.

I came un-fucking-glued.

I went on a tirade up one side and down another of 'Hugh,' the manager that was sent to me.

IS THIS HOW YOU WANT TO RUN YOUR BUSINESS? FIRST OF ALL, WHY IS THERE NO SECURITY DETAIL IN THE PARKING LOT? THERE ARE A THOUSAND PEOPLE OUT THERE. THIS IS QUINCY, NOT GREENWICH, CONNECTICUT. QUINCY RESIDENTS AREN'T EXACTLY KNOWN FOR THEIR PROPENSITY TO BE CIVIL.

Hugh: Corporate said that there wasn't to be a police detail.

WELL, THAT WAS A BAD DECISION. BADDD. THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE ALL HERE FOR THE SAME THING. THERE WAS A FIST-FIGHT OVER THE LAST TV.

Hugh: I'm sorry. I agree that it was a bad decision.

WHY DID YOU ALLOW IT? AND FURTHER MORE, YOU EXPECT YOUR CUSTOMER TO SPRINT TO THE BACK OF THE STORE? HONESTLY?? THAT'S YOUR EXPECTATION OF YOUR CUSTOMERS? SOMEONE COULD HAVE BEEN SERIOUSLY HURT. I ALMOST STEPPED ON SOMEONE. SOMEONE COULD HAVE BEEN TRAMPLED! THIS IS DANGEROUS. THIS IS A JOKE!

I WAITED SEVEN HOURS. SEVEN! SEV-EN! I HAVE A BAD KNEE AND I CAN'T EASILY RUN. IS THIS REALLY YOUR BEST DECISION? I WAITED THAT LONG, AND FOR NOTHING BECAUSE I CAN'T RUN. IF SOMEONE WAS OUT THERE IN A WHEEL CHAIR, WOULD YOU EXPECT THEM TO WHEEL THEMSELVES TO THE BACK?

HOW DO YOUR INSURANCE CARRIERS FEEL ABOUT THAT? YOU WANT THE RUNNING OF THE BULLS THROUGH YOUR STORE? REALLY? THAT'S HOW YOU'RE GOING TO RUN THIS STORE?

THEN I WAS DIRECTED TO THE WRONG PLACE AND BECAUSE OF THIS DELAY, LOST MY PURCHASE.

WHY DIDN'T YOU OFFER TICKETS LIKE EVERY OTHER MAJOR RETAILER? WHY?

Hugh: We were told not to.

ANOTHER BAD DECISION. WHY WOULDN'T YOU, AS SOMEONE WHO IS TRYING TO ADVANCE YOUR CAREER, LOOK AT THIS DECISION, REALIZE IT'S A BAD ONE, THEN ACT ON IT? THIS IS RIDICULOUS. IF YOU ONLY HAVE TWO OF A CERTAIN ITEM, AND YOU KNOW THAT EVERYONE IS HERE FOR IT, YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS ENTIRE FUCKING MESS BY JUST MAKING TICKETS!

I WAITED FOR SEVEN HOURS. I WAS THE *FIRST* PERSON IN LINE, AND GOT NOTHING THAT I CAME FOR. HOW IS THAT FAIR? WHY DOES THAT MAKE ME WANT TO PATRONIZE YOUR ESTABLISHMENT?

Hugh: You can call the number and file a complaint.

WHAT NUMBER?

Hugh: 1-800-WALMART.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

Hugh: Hugh.

LAST NAME?

Hugh: I don't release it. It's just something I do. It's personal.

IS THAT A POLICY?

Hugh: No, it's just something I do.

OKAYYY? AND YOU'RE THE MANAGER? IF WHEN I CALL TO FILE FORMAL COMPLAINT AND JUST SAY 'HUGH' THEY'LL KNOW TO WHOM I AM REFERRING?

Hugh: No, I'm not the manager.

THEN WHO IS?

Hugh: Mark Disla

AM I EVEN GOING TO BE ABLE TO GET OUT OF THE PARKING LOT? THERE'S NO SECURITY OUT THERE, AND THE LINE WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY CAR. I'M IN THE SPOT CLOSEST TO THE DOOR ... BECAUSE I WAS THE FIRST PERSON HERE!

I told him that I knew it wasn't his fault, but that something was handled very, very poorly. Someone could have been seriously hurt or trampled. I told him that someone could have died. We stormed away to be greeted by yet another manager and someone from Assets Protection.

They asked how our experience was, and I saw another opportunity to vent my anger. I went off again. He again gave me the 'so sorry' BS, and said that he hoped my experience next year would be better.

I looked at him disbelievingly, and said calmly, "There will not ever be a next year." Then got enraged again, "I'm never coming here again!"

I stormed out. I had never liked WalMart, and ever since becoming an educated consumer have never been there. There was a good deal, and I was willing to throw my money at them, but they blew it. Never again will I consider giving them any of my money. Never ever.

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