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Blu57nav
11.12.2005
Twelfth.
Why do I want him?
Today would have been our 2 month. I called him last night to see how he was doing. He wasn't home. He called me back. We chatted.
He asked me why he was so important to me, and why I care so much about 'us'... I told him that I loved him. And, though he might not be, I'm still in love with him. He said that he missed me. I said that I missed him. He said that he loved me. I said that I loved him. We hung up the phone. He doesn't see my side. I don't see his side. Can't we just agree to disagree?
I went to bed hoping that I'd be greeted by a phone call from him in the morning. It never came. In retrospect, I don't know why I expected it.
I sent him a text today. I feel bad. It said, "Today is the twelfth. I miss you." I don't even know if he got it. SMS messages are unreliable. I don't know how else to tell him that I want to get back together with him. I want to. So bad. But, if he doesn't, I don't want to pressure him. I do want him to be happy. If that's not with me, than I'll just have to deal. I miss him.
From what I hear, he isn't happy. Neither am I. Why can't we just...
All of the unanswered questions. They hurt so much. There is a void that I just can't fill. I can't just get over him. Maybe I can, and I just don't want to.
I'm divided. Most of me wants me to work it out, and get back together. A small part of me is telling me not to. It's the small part of me that told me to break up with him long ago, because Dan was going to be a problem. Perhaps I should have listened. Look where that got me.
My grandmother asked me last night what was wrong. She said that I've been quiet, and that I haven't been eating. I told her that nothing was wrong. It was a lie. But, it was to reduce complications. She didn't even know that I was dating Mike, let alone broken up with him.
I hate saying that. Broken up. It's awful.
I have such a headache. I'm miserable. I've laid in my bed for hours. I miss him.
I wish I didn't have to work today. I miss him. I have a headache. I'm weak.
I feel like we'd be at an advantage going back out. I feel like now we'd know what not to do, and how the other is more likely to react to certain situations. I beleive that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
I shouldn't have texted him. I don't want to disturb him.
I miss him. icstah.
Today would have been our 2 month. I called him last night to see how he was doing. He wasn't home. He called me back. We chatted.
He asked me why he was so important to me, and why I care so much about 'us'... I told him that I loved him. And, though he might not be, I'm still in love with him. He said that he missed me. I said that I missed him. He said that he loved me. I said that I loved him. We hung up the phone. He doesn't see my side. I don't see his side. Can't we just agree to disagree?
I went to bed hoping that I'd be greeted by a phone call from him in the morning. It never came. In retrospect, I don't know why I expected it.
I sent him a text today. I feel bad. It said, "Today is the twelfth. I miss you." I don't even know if he got it. SMS messages are unreliable. I don't know how else to tell him that I want to get back together with him. I want to. So bad. But, if he doesn't, I don't want to pressure him. I do want him to be happy. If that's not with me, than I'll just have to deal. I miss him.
From what I hear, he isn't happy. Neither am I. Why can't we just...
All of the unanswered questions. They hurt so much. There is a void that I just can't fill. I can't just get over him. Maybe I can, and I just don't want to.
I'm divided. Most of me wants me to work it out, and get back together. A small part of me is telling me not to. It's the small part of me that told me to break up with him long ago, because Dan was going to be a problem. Perhaps I should have listened. Look where that got me.
My grandmother asked me last night what was wrong. She said that I've been quiet, and that I haven't been eating. I told her that nothing was wrong. It was a lie. But, it was to reduce complications. She didn't even know that I was dating Mike, let alone broken up with him.
I hate saying that. Broken up. It's awful.
I have such a headache. I'm miserable. I've laid in my bed for hours. I miss him.
I wish I didn't have to work today. I miss him. I have a headache. I'm weak.
I feel like we'd be at an advantage going back out. I feel like now we'd know what not to do, and how the other is more likely to react to certain situations. I beleive that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
I shouldn't have texted him. I don't want to disturb him.
I miss him. icstah.
¶
13:32
